Girls, what you are about to read is not intended to put you off running - in fact it's meant to do the opposite. To make you feel confident that you're not on your own in being, let's face it, un-ladylike, un-'hot' and sometimes downright minging when you're running.
But it's OK.
We don't need to be ladylike, or glamorous, or 'hot' all the time, or even some of the time.
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| Guaranteed she's not just run 15 miles |
We're normal and there are other more important things in life - like not dying at the age of fifty from a stroke, or getting depression, or having a giant fatty liver.
Here's why running will never be glamorous (and it's OK):
1.
The kit - unless you're planning a quick 20 minutes around the block you won't be able to run without some sort of lycra/polyester/non-sweat ensemble. Typically capri pants or leggings make my legs look like sausages, sports bras tend to make me look like a 12yr old boy, or Madonna - neither being a great look, and add a 'reflective' neon waterproof to a fuscia face and it's game over in the style stakes.
2.
Phlegm - yes, phlegm as in snot. Now I HATE spitting with a passion, but sometimes and just sometimes hacking it back and getting it out of your system (mouth or nostrils being optimal outlets) is the only option. NB. Try to save this for when there are no fellow runners or pedestrians in near vicinity. And you need to really go for it - half hearted efforts can lead to mortifying consequences (speaking from experience) ;-)
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| How we actually look when we run |
3.
Sweat - apparently some people believe that women 'perspire' not sweat. Well yes maybe if you're strolling along the prom, but not if you're seriously training. There's a reason French women don't run.
My favourite type of sweat is that white stuff that coats your face so not only are you red, stinking and knackered but you also have a nice white crust on your boat, mmm lovely.
4.
The runner's 'GI disturbances' - Paula Radcliffe. Enough said.
5.
The runner's screw face - I usually put this on when someone decides to 'beep' me from a car (I'm not running to be beeped or hollered at. Just ignoring me and letting me get on with it is absolutely fine).
6.
The drinking/swallowing gels whilst running thing - again, no glamorous way to do it, dribbles, splutters all part of the challenge.
7.
Runner's feet - blistered, swollen, sometimes with black toenails. If you want to be looking good in flip flops I'd recommend being a winter runner.
8.
Chafing - luckily we don't tend to get the nipple chafing (ouch) that's often seen on men wearing white polyester vests tops during a marathon. But there is all sorts of unexpected chafing that can appear. Note to self, don't plan any major skin exposure in the week or two after a long run (unless of course you've 'vassed' up).
9.
Runner's acne - yep you train for a marathon and suddenly you have the skin of a teenager.
But hey.
Remember, it's OK.
We don't run to look glamorous do we?
